I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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