No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Randomize
