Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Come see our sink grown plant.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
