I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
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I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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