I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
