Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
