Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
