I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I think my fart just growled at me.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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