yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
