I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
