I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Randomize
