we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Randomize
