Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
