every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Randomize
