you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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