oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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