I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
