if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
