I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
