super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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