Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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