Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
