White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Randomize
