Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
