Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
