I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
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