My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I have tasted many bathrooms
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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