dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
