before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
