Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Girls should come with a carfax report
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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