I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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