I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
is it fun? or sober?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
