just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
