He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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