soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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