Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
