i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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