is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
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I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
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HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
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