what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
