i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
you have to choose: penises or morals?
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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