im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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