I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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