the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
