Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
