I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
