so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
