Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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