shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
