is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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