I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
