This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
