Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
