I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
we're so committed to being not committed
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
