i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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