So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
i think my cat just said my name.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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