He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Randomize
