Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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