Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
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