I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
