I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Randomize
