Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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