Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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