we have pet lesbian snakes
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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