I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
