I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
