the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
