This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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