I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
