dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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