How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
