Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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