I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
