Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
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