OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize