garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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