Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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