hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
