Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
