she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
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