I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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