There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Randomize
