Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Randomize
