im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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