you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
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Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
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Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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