I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Randomize
