I am puke
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Randomize
