Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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