He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I could fuck to npr.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
