It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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