I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize