We won't sleep together?
I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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