Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
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